OK. So it occurred to me the other day, that I might like more of a record of my transformation.
I'm calling it a transformation cause I can't think of a better term. At this moment I am about 2/3 of the way to my roughly 90lb weight loss goal. I have run and placed 3rd in my age group at a local 5K. I am currently training at an 8 mile long run. And this is the end of 2013. 2014 I am going to conquer almost every "normal" class of race. And by conquer, I mean "complete". Right now, for me, that's what conquer is to me. If I do a 5K, I'm aiming to beat my last time. So far I've done that every time for the 3 I've done.
Now, I also want to get something else out there. I've had a couple people tell me/ask "You must feel a lot better now."
Umm... "I don't think so in the way you're asking." Maybe I'm misinterpreting their question. But Sorry, maybe I shouldn't be the poster child for weight loss/fitness. Cause guess what? The reason I never really lost weight before? I had no health problems. I didn't feel bad. Though it's also not like I was a COMPLETE couch potato. Sure, I didn't do a ton, but I could go out for a hike up and down hills for at least several miles without passing out.
As far as health goes? Well, yeah, I was "morbidly obese" according to BMI, but that seems to largely be a joke. From what I can see, I could theoretically only weigh 120lbs and be "healthy". That seems unlikely to me.
I will admit, my blood pressure had at times been borderline at the bottom end of "starting to be high" or whatever they call it now. Seems like every few years they like to increase their BP medication sales and the "safe zone" gets lowered and sometimes they give a new class like "PRE-high blood pressure." OK, so you don't actually have high blood pressure, but you're getting close. Might as well start giving us money and taking pills now just cause hey, why not, right?
ANY-hoo... My sometimes almost high of 135/95 or something was... well let me look. 110/70 on 12/11/2013 So, yeah no question it's lower.
NOW... If we're talking, do I feel better MENTALLY? Well, that's another story... In a word? Yeah.
Why? Well mainly because as my very vague memory goes... I've seen pictures and it seems I did not look that fat in early school years. But I recall going into school with confidence. And I guess there always has been a belief in myself that I've kept in general. But I recall pretty early on getting picked on either for what I wore or soon enough being... fat, fat-ass, lard-ass, wonder whale(I wore a coat Granny gave me from Wonder bread that said "Wonder" on the back), "could use a diet coke"... I dunno, I'm sure there are dozens of others I'm forgetting.
In general, it is safe to say that I have NOT had much of ANY confidence in that area. as far as clothes, I may have liked them or simply not cared, but I never had any illusions that I was the least bit attractive. I think about the end of my senior year of high school when I started dating Sara, and she transformed me a bit with contacts, letting the beard grow and maybe some better clothes... I at least started to like my face a bit more and not be disgusted by it.
So, the not so short story is that I had about 12 years of utter nastiness ingrained in me that I am fat, unattractive and anything but a runner. (though now that I think of it, I DID have strength in some areas. People told me I should join the football team, and I generally won almost every arm wrestling match we had...)
And I've lived with that loathing self image. I mean, I pretty much got used to it, so it's not like I woke up and hated myself. But any time we were around other people, I would definitely be thinking periodically about how bad I looked and what other people were thinking about me in that regard.
Now? I'm noticing a good bit more confidence building in there. Or perhaps I should say, it seems to be gaining form and substance/solidity. I'm not entirely comfortable with myself yet, but I'm starting to think I'm not that bad... I've caught myself in a few pictures from the holidays where I was just off to the side in a picture of the girls and it was just like a mid-section pic of myself and I literally thought "Who is that?" "Wait, that can't be me.... Is that me? That person is way too slim..." So... Yeah, that's kinda cool.
Also, I think partly because I'm mechanically oriented, I'm finding it hella cool to see and feel my skeletal structure and tendons, etc... I still don't know a lot about the human body and it's not like I couldn't touch a rib before, but now... I lay in bed and slide my hand up my gut and... There's my pelvis and an INDENT, and then the bottom of my rib cage... And I can feel the actual shape of the entire bottom of my rib cage, and the bottom bone in the middle, etc... I mean, I can mentally picture exactly what I'm feeling... That's just cool. Last weekend I found some new tendon or vein or something in the back of my neck that runs up into my skull... These are things I had never even contemplated before. It's rather like the experience of switching to Fivefingers where I suddenly had all sorts of new feelings I was unaccustomed to.
Yeah, I feel better mentally. (:
Hmm, at this point I don't even remember/know if I had a place I was heading towards...
Anyway. Thinks are pretty good.
You want the downsides? Pretty much the same as everyone else. Time and money.
The running takes time. Someone in one of the running groups I'm on said "At some point you'll have to treat it like a job." Umm, yeah, that's been pretty much since the beginning. I was already in the role of "get my 40 hours a week of PAID work in, and then just about every other minute is home taking care of the girls." Now, I've got that PLUS... At the moment my training is generally something like "Hope Bella slept well enough so that I got a decent night's sleep, THEN hope that both girls STAY asleep so I can get up at 5AM, suited up, and head out into the 15F dark desolate roads around home. For about an hour Tue, Thur and Sat, and 2 hours on Sunday." And if I don't get it done then, it gets even more difficult trying to find the time for Sara to take over. I think once it gets warmer, I'm going to have to take the girls kicking and screaming(literally) with me.
And this year is going to be busy with races. I've done my best to keep it to about 1 per month for Sara's sanity(yeah, though I'm not sure she'll agree).
Which ties into the money. I've found that races are NOT cheap. Particularly obstacle races and longer runs. Basically my saviors are that Spartan and Tough Mudder allow you to volunteer and get a free or discounted race. Bonus for me, I've so far managed to score TWO Spartan entries from contests. That was actually the only reason I am going for the Spartan Trifecta this year. I had NOT planned on it, but after I won a contest, it seemed like the best use would be to put it towards the most expensive race, and if I'm going to do that, I might as well do the shorter ones as well...
That really is the reason I signed up for the Wineglass marathon as well... My mind had only progressed on marathon thinking from "That's insane." to "eh, maybe at some point". I was going to work my way up. But then I noticed that to get the cheapest rate, I had to sign up by the end of the year. Well, that's almost a year a way, might as well make that a goal!
The other money figure it equipment. Mainly clothes in general. I'm down to at least a size 34 pants and maybe a Medium shirt. So... I've been getting comments that my size 38's (OR larger) and XL's(or LARGER) are quite baggy... And with the crazy weather we've been having where I've literally gone from running in 20F and through 8 inches of snow one weekend and then having it a rainy 55F the next weekend... Well, I really need a compression T-shirt and some smaller shorts at least...
Oh the other negative I've just recently pretty much confirmed is giving blood. Yeah, I don't think it's going to happen in 2014. Well, maybe in December... I'd looked this up before I gave blood and basically read what made perfect sense. It's pretty much reverse blood doping(blood doping being a performance enhancement some athletes have tried getting away with where I believe you inject more blood cells) So with less blood cells, you've got less oxygen carrying capacity. So, after a couple days, you're pretty much good to go... As long as you aren't going hard. But once you start operating at peak capacity, you notice it's SERIOUSLY reduced. I've had a few changes in where/distance/hills that I've been training, but it was just about 3 weeks ago that I gave blood, and it certainly feels like I'm just starting to get back to where I left off. And this is with a good bit of walking breaks in my training. Now, if I were just doing 5K's and wasn't overly concerned with my times, I'd keep it up. But... Well, I've got like monthly runs and a good number of them are in the 10+ mile range going up and down ski slopes carrying 60lbs of sand, etc... And that 26 mile marathon in October... I'm feeling like I really need to be at max capacity.
I love being a "sixer"(giving blood the max allowed 6 times a year). But, I'm afraid 2014 is going to have to be a year I'm taking for me.
It bothers me, but, well it's the same as the other negatives. They bother me, but they are objects I have to fight past and take "for me" to achieve these goals. I know it's good to have more time with the girls, more money for everything, and saving lives giving blood. But you know what? If I do all of those, I'm "giving up" on this new self and just going to be the same old guy "cause I had to". So I need to just do what I can to balance these things out(Sara may not believe it, but I have whittled things down. There are a number of local and otherwise events that I've crossed out for the time and money reasons, much as I'd like to do them). I'm gonna feel a bit bad about what I'm taking for me, but I do believe this is the route I'm supposed to take. And don't get the wrong idea, I haven't spent the family fortune, nor am I not spending time with the girls. And indeed, I hope to God that I can get them involved in any and every way I can! I DREAM of the day when I can sign the girls up for a kids obstacle run, and better yet, have them run a full event with me! Which brought me to the next thought. I sure as hell BETTER be in shape now and keep it up, cause I'm gonna be like 50 when they are starting to be eligible to run in full events! ACK!
For this year, I'm hoping I can get them to agree to go "vroom" in the bike trailer (in stroller mode) while I run, and I think I can take them to a bubble pit at the 5K foam fest, and I'm hoping to take Kenzie with me on the Color Run in some form.
Well, I suppose that's long enough for now. The hard part that is more important to me, is now I should go back and figure out just what I did when. That's kinda the record I'm looking for of my progression.
